Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
