I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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