oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
