Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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