you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
