mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
