I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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