So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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