Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
