you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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