Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I just found puke in my bra..
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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