party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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