I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
My bed smells like the plague
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize