DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
