Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
