It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
