This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.