That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".