i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
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do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
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Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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