I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
