shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize