just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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