i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
