Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
