he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
