And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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