I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
it hurts more in the daytime
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
