i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
