Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
