you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
there is another microwave in the elevator.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
