I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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