is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
