I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
