I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Randomize
