Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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