Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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