Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
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