Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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