You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
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I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
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SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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