I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize