We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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