Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I just want to make out with him forever
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
