I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
