i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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