A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
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