we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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