You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
