remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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