I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Dicks are not precious.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
