he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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