What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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