Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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