I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
