This is not my ceiling
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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