I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
