Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Randomize
