bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Randomize
