Taylor Swift is so right about you.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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