My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
