dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Randomize
