can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
