The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
