Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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