Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
