just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
