i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
