I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
the liver wants what the liver wants
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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