New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
We smell like vodka and hangover
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
