did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
